Land of the Dead. Dead Boring That Is...

I told Jo-Nathan that I would share my thoughts on Land of the Dead. So, here they are: I immediately had doubts as to whether George Romero was even involved with this movie, apart from getting paid to put his name to it of course... I mean, there were zombies in it, yeah, but where was Bruce Willis? To sum up the movie, take one pint Independence Day, mix with 2 cups violence, 3 cups gore, and a pinch of humor. Stir thoroughly then throw in a token tough chick, a mentally-challenged nice-guy, and a badly-made-up lead zombie. Bake for 90 minutes then coat liberally with a batch of blood and guts. Sounds yummy? Not so much.

The premise seemed good at first: zombies evolve over time to become "intelligent". They learn how to hide out, sneak up on victims, and figure out how to get in to the meat market in the center of town. I may have been convinced if I'd seen more evidence of their brain-power. Big Daddy, the zombie leader seemed to be the Einstein of the bunch; roaring like a wounded dog he lead his herd of sheep around relatively few obstacles to their target: food. I figured that BD must have been a boy scout in his youth, for as well as leadership skills and a great sense of direction he even showed sympathy for a burning zombie by turning an oozie on him, why, I wondered, surly the screaming victim is dead, he can't feel any pain, can he? At this point I started to become confused. Did you know that while zombies usually like to stagger around in a slow, mindless manner like, well, zombies, they can in fact break into swift, decisive runs and chase down their prey at a whim? Hmmm.

All in all I was extremely disappointed. Shawn of the Dead is way scarier. And while the good guy does, predictably save the day, the real hero of the story is some garbage truck turned Armageddon vehicle that looks more like something Wally would make out of a couple of cardboard boxes on a rainy day.

It turns out that George did more that put his name to this movie, he wrote, produced and directed it. He is also particularly proud of it as I found out when I watched the A&E 'making of' show, he was just beaming as he explained how 9/11 had delayed its release, but he's so happy because now it makes even more sense today as it parallels the country we now live in. Well good for you, George, it's great to see those lives were not lost in vain. Pig.

I did however enjoy the performances, not to say the acting was good, but both John Leguizamo and Dennis Hopper made the movie bearable. The action based plot however did not. As you would expect, there is lots of violence, blood and gore in this flick, including some up-close and personal suicide action which particularly offended me. In seven words - don't take your kids to this movie - tots and pubescents were dotted around the theatre: I seriously can't believe people can really be that brain dead.